Coffee. Kill it dead.

How do I hate coffee? Let me count the ways.
1) The way the grounds smear on to every goddamn surface in the kitchen/galley
2) The fact that the fucking plunger/French press always needs to be rinsed out before I can make a cup
3) And I can’t rinse it in the sink because it takes forever for the coffee grounds to go down the drain into the sea and (1)
4) I have to put on trousers so I can take the stupid plunger out on deck and swish it clean in the water and not scare the locals in my knickers
5) Two scoops of coffee, one sugar, boiling water… I can cope with those parts, but then I have to go and find the Cup
6) I don’t even drink fucking coffee
7) I find the cup. I rinse most of the mank from it. I plunge the goddamn coffee and pour it and wish with furious ineptitude for a bloody stovetop espresso setup. Why? Because – ONE THING. It all happens in the ONE THING. There is no kettle. There is no plunger. It all goes together in the ONE THING. It boils, you pour it, plop out the little puck of stupid coffee grounds out the window because WOW it’s small enough to fit through it, and you are DONE. Relationship points attained. Homicidal levels? Slightly less.

*This post is sponsored by general ennui, insomnia and the loss of my purse

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